Oh Happy Day!!

My bestest, bestest friend, Andrea is having another baby!! She texted me this morning telling me she was worried because she was two months late. I, of course, told her she was probably most definitely pregnant. The thing is, she has a 7 month old at home (an adorable little moppet named Ben) and she didn't think she was ready for a new baby. I totally know how she feels, I know I wouldn't be able to handle being pregnant again. She went and took the test and it was positive! She was so upset she was crying and I was in shock and we both didn't know what to say. I told her if she wanted to get an abortion I'd support her on it even though it would make me sad. I don't really know where I stand on abortion. It's kind of one of those words that out there in the world. I understand what it means but I've never come face to face with it. I think I'd be comfortable with having one if I got pregnant again right now but I know in my heart I'd never be okay with it. And that's how she is too. For about two hours we were discussing how to go about getting her the abortion. She even called the doctor for an appointment. That's when it hit me...she's pregnant! She's going to have a baby. A real baby. A beautiful little life...you can't just throw that away. I told Justin about it and he told me I should convince her to keep it. But I couldn't. I would support her on any decision she made. I did tell her, though, that having two babies isn't as hard as it seems. Sure it's extremely hectic at times but it's also rewarding. She talked to her fiance about it for awhile and just like that I got the most amazing text saying she was going to keep the baby! I started crying immediately. I can't believe it, another baby!! That's the best thing that could have happened. Sure, things are going to be a little tight for her but she's having another baby! I am the happiest I could be right now. I am so excited. She's going to be a mother of two :) She still hasn't told anyone but me, of course. I can't believe I'm the only one that knows!!! This is so big. I love this woman so much and I love her fiance, John even more. He's the one that convinced her to keep it! What an honorable gentleman, she couldn't have picked a better man. I'm crying right now I'm so damn happy.

My Baby Girl

This is my newest addition, Haley Jennifer Megan. She was born January 19, 2010. She was a whopping 9 pounds! Which is amazing, seeing all she went through to be born. I had surgery while I was pregnant with her! You can tell she's going to be a strong woman.

I love this little girl. She looks JUST like me!! Khodi was the little blond hair, blue eyed boy who looks just like his daddy. But this lil girl has dark brown eyes, dark hair and a beautifully tan complexion...just like her mommy :) I couldn't be happier. We now have the perfect family!

She's an amazing little girl. When she was first born I was just so exhausted from all the stress that I barely wanted to see her. I was going through a teeny bit of post-partum depression for the first few days but after awhile it went away and she warmed up to me. Now I just can't get enough of her!!

I can't get over just how different she is from Khodi. People always told me that two babies can be completely different from one another and I never believed them. But she is the absolute opposite. First of all, Khodi was super calm as a baby. Never really cried, always very happy. Haley? Noooooo. She is a SCREAMER!!! For the tiniest little things this girl will cry all day, all night. She cries when she's hungry, when she needs a diaper change, when she's too hot, when she's too cold, when she wants attention, when she's uncomfortable and just when she feels she hasn't cried in awhile and wants to get a good temper tantrum in. Needless to say, Khodi spoiled me. I say to people that if I had Haley first, there probably wouldn't have been a second. Khodi made me think babies were easy haha.

But that's okay, I love her so much!! When she's not crying she's smiling and laughing and making my life amazing!! Her little smile is the prettiest, most amazing thing I have ever seen in my life!!! It makes all the crying worth it. Maybe that's WHY she cries so much. No one can be perfect. If she was beautiful, had a perfect smile/laugh and didn't cry...she'd be too perfect. I can handle her crying all day very easily. Every once in awhile I need a little bit of a break (like right now, Justin's feeding her while I blog) but for the most part I don't need to be away from her. She's my angel!!!!

I'M BACK!!!

Hello all!!

I am pleased to announce that I finally, finally have a computer!!! Now I will be blogging often!! I don't see anything that would stand in my way. I have my own computer I can use any time I want. All you using your own computers right now you may think I'm just easy to please. But imagine being without the internet for almost THREE years!!! And every time you need to use the internet you have to go to your parent's house!! Or worse...the library. It's not pretty. So me finally having my own internet connection is amazing for me.

Well that's all I wanted to say right now =) I'll be back though...I'll be back

I must write, or fall behind

Hello everyone!

I had this notion of writing poems again. Lots and lots of poems because I'm the type of person who loves to write poems!!! I was going to start the rest of my blogs off with a poem. Just a short little thing about what I was feeling.

Then I just stopped giving a damn and gave up. After one poem. I'm a quitter. I know this and I accept it. And you know what, I don't mind. There are certain things I give up on after little effort (school, poetry, friendships, etc) while others I will hold on to forever and ever no matter how hard they may be. Like my marriage and my family. There is NO way I am ever going to give up on my husband. No matter how hard things may get. I promise I will try my hardest to stay with him forever.

Anyway, that's not what the point of this blog was going to be about so I'm not going to write about it anymore.

There's not much going on to write about though...let's see, what's new??

Well, I took Khodi to the zoo on Saturday! It was his very first time going. It was amazing. He loved playing with everything shiny or colorful or fun. He loved playing in the fountains and cried when we had to move on. He wasn't so interested in the animals as the stuff he could interact with. There was a tire filled with rubber pieces kind of like sand. He would have stayed in it all day if we didn't have to leave :) He also loved playing with the goats in the petting zoo. It was a day filled with stimulation for him. Everywhere we went he was enthralled with something new. He just had SO much fun!! I loved it.

The next day we went to IKEA and it was kind of the same thing. He gets so interested in all things new. He would have played in the kitchens for hours and with all the stuffed animals and lights and appliances and boxes and candles. There was so much there for him to play with! He had a blast there too! It's amazing to think a child can be interested in everything and nothing at the same time. He could play with a bottle cap for two hours and be equally entertained with his "real" toys

Oh! My "mom" Karen is coming out soon!! She'll be here October 23rd. I'm so damn excited!!! I can't wait for her and Angela (her wife) to get here. I miss them so so so so so so so much! I haven't seen them since April when we went to Florida together. The two of them live in Georgia. This will be the second time Angela's been here, the 3rd for Karen. They were here last year for the Christmastime and this year they'll be here for HALLOWEEN!!! I'm so so excited! It's going to be brilliant!

Well, that's it for an update. Tomorrow's my final ultrasound and I'll see if I can post up Haley's picture :)

More to us now

I'm awake and singing songs that remind me of you
The sad songs of a world ago
The ones I knew would take me back
Before it was even over
What we had is forever immortalized in me
Through a few, magical songs
No poems written by a lovesick heart
Can ever do us justice
Or say just the right words
But the songs will always be there
The songs, and nothing else

What keeps you up at night
Thinking of me?


I wrote this last night because Khodi kept me up. He went down pretty early but he woke up again at 3:00 and didn't go back to sleep until 6:00! I was fine with it, though, because he was so super cute :)

Anyway a friend of mine wrote this http://handshedown.blogspot.com piece and it reminded me so much of an old boyfriend of mine. When we broke up I had a few songs that I would listen to over and over thinking of him. No matter how many years go by, I will always think of him when I hear these few songs. But that's it. I won't remember him for much else. We didn't really share too many memories. I wrote poems for him but I barely read them and they're kind of surfacy at best. I have nothing to remember him by and that's fine by me. It's his loss, really.

That's why I love being with Justin. I never wrote any poetry for him but we have SO much more to our relationship. We have our entire lives together. We have our children, we have memories...I've changed so much because of him. And that's just wonderful.

Surgery

Hello again, everyone!

I am back home (finally) from the hospital. It was not a very fun thing I can tell you. I had to go into the hospital Thursday morning (6:00 a.m). I drove all the way from Indiana just to get there which means I had to get up at 3:00!! I took my sister, Marie, with me because Khodi was sick and I didn't want him to come with me or he'd just get worse :(

The surgery went well, I guess. I don't remember anything after the nurse told me she was going to give me the IV of medication. When I woke up I was in EXTREME pain! I screamed and screamed it was horrible. The cyst they took out of my stomach (apparently) was the size of a BASKETBALL!!! How the hell does something that big get inside a person??? I don't know but I'm so glad it's out.

I was in the hospital from Thursday to Monday. 5 whole days of torture. I hate the hospital. I hate not being able to get up and move around. I hate the uncomfortable beds, I hate being in pain. Being home is so much better. I can see my baby (can't hold him) and I can move around more than before. I like being around my family instead of being alone :(

But I'm still in tons of pain so I have to basically sit on the couch all day long. I hate that too but it's better than being alone. I don't know how often I'll be online these next days. I'm in too much pain to be sitting up :(

Till later!!

Oh! The baby's fine too. She made it through the surgery with no problems :) Thank GOD!!!

How glorious the city can be

I am in no mood to write. I would rather THINK about writing and not actually do it right now :) However I made a serious promise to write back more later. And it's been two whole days since I last wrote. It's time for a new update.Well since it's only been two days there's not a world of interesting things to talk about. So don't be disappointed.

There is one thing I can talk about though :)

Yesterday my husband and I had a very romantic evening in Downtown Chicago. We left Khodi at my folks' house. They went to my Aunt's house because my cousin, Kyra, was having a "going away to college" party. I should have gone but I was in no mood to deal with that side of the family. Apparently it was fun, though! I didn't really miss out on too much because I had a great time too.

We got on the train at 6:00 to get to the city for approximately 7:00 ish. When we got there we didn't really DO anything. And that was the best part. We just walked and walked and walked. We got seriously lost on our way to Navy Pier and seriously lost on our way back. But that wasn't really the point. The point was we just spent time together alone in the [world's] most beautiful city enjoying the scenery. I love the hustle and bustle of people. I love the smell of the vendors and various restaurants. I love passing by a group of people and smelling the faintest scent of someones perfume :)

I especially loved hearing the people playing music on the corners of the streets. We passed one man on the way back to the train station playing a saxophone. As soon as he started playing my heart nearly stopped. It was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. I wanted to sit and watch him play for hours but we were in a rush to catch the train but I could still hear it as I walked further away. The city can be so peaceful when you let it work it's magic.

We didn't spend much time down there. Just enough time to walk to Navy Pier, have a snack, a break, and walk back. Only about two hours. But it was such a magnificent two hours. It was SO incredibly romantic :) Then we rode the train home together (both of us exhausted from all the walking) and just talked and talked.

I love my husband, have I mentioned that?? His spontaneity is was drew me to him. We hadn't planned to go downtown or anything. He got home and I asked him what he wanted to do and he was like "I dunno, let's go downtown". And we did :) It was just brilliant. I love how he can make such a simple thing into something wonderful and romantic and completely memorable for me.

Till next time!!